Closing our doors

I am once again totally underwhelmed by the response to the last two articles about Rashawn & Diamond. The first one was shared 40 times and 6 donors came forward with not enough to cover it. So far, we have received  $100 toward next month, with 12 days to go. The ministry as a whole is operating at a deficit. We won’t be able to get all the ingredients and paper products, and iced tea this week and pay the cell phone bill. I had hoped for new leadership by now, and a new, more upbeat, public face, to do fundraising. That doesn’t seem to be happening. People have suggested ways to raise money, and I say, go ahead. Nothing happens. There are a few people who are doing a great job to help provide great meals on Thursday nights with fruits and peanuts and sandwiches, hard boiled eggs and coming out. That’s great! There is so much more. To keep it going takes money. To raise money, we need people who understand and can clearly articulate the vision of The King’s Jubilee. That hasn’t happened. I have failed as a leader.

As a family, we are racing with the calendar to not end up homeless ourselves. I applied for disability in July 2013. It is just coming through now. There is a 5 month, no income waiting period and a 25% lawyer’s cut. Plus the SS Admin. takes their sweet time. Then they want to know exactly what you were living on while you were waiting, so they can deduct that from the amount that they are going to pay. Is it any wonder there are so many old and disabled folks who end up homeless? We are not out of the woods yet. The mortgage company has started foreclosure proceedings. It just comes to a point where I have to face facts. The prima facie evidence is that what I have done with my life is not valued by society or the church. I am turning 60 in two months. I have had 6 strokes and about 40 TIAs. I have Complex PTSD from clergy bullying. (To add major insult to injury, I have just learned that there are Orthodox churches who refuse to associate or support this ministry because I suffer from CPTSD from clergy abuse. OK. Further abuse the victim and the ones he is ministering to! That makes complete sense, if you don’t believe a word that Jesus ever said!) This all adds up to constant pain and permanent disability. Perhaps it’s time I grow up and face reality and hang it up. I don’t even know if we can afford to do that.